30.5.05
from the case file of enjia's lifeerbx. ms low was being damn lame as she was making her 'speech'[as usual] yar. and she was telling us all these stories of when she went overseas with tk and with her friends etc etc.
combine. can die. the most impressionable are: japanese graffiiti, stars and stripes and singapore experience. hurh. japanese graffiiti, died at 'dixie' couldn't count!!!!!!! O.O, sniff. kept counting wrongly. hurh. stars and stripes? cannot catch the rhythm. T.T hurhhhh. must focusfocussss!!!! singapore experience? hurh. died. played theme with euphos for the front, then at [1], i was left playing alone and i thought they pang seh me. then play play play, until the end, cannot reach the high notes liao. T.T hurhhhhhh. sniff. ahh. and fiefoerniek. at [m] i pang seh the euphos. Xp haha. then i was listening so intently i missed my 3 bars beofre [n] T.T heh. then i was wondering why no one play one? then it end liao then i realise is i play one. haiiii. today was quite bad. tmr? must fcus focus focus! yep!
don't be afrain to play out. and even if you are, don't make someone who's not paying your part to play with you. learn how to play alone. it's alright. i learnt how to really play alone today. and my alone was more alone than yours. yours was at least with ppl with the same sound as your. mine was totally alone. so think about it. and be acoustomed to playing your part alone. i played my part alone since i have no idea when and it's high time you learnt how to too.
i stupidly went and read agn. and got my heart broken as a result. every time i read, i'm hoping you'll talk to me. you never do. it's really shattering me to pieces. pieces that can be put together, only to be shattered again the next time when the same thing happens. now, it's only held together by string. but where is my super glue?
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21:14
leaveheart.. 0
29.5.05
from the case file of enjia's lifei love my mom! haha. i asked for ten minutes on the computer she gave me 25 and it's running out. or is it out already? xp well, heh.
i'm trying to forget. they say the more you ry to forget the more you'll rmb. so i turned to rmbing. it doesnot work. i'm still rmbing and rmb more some more. i don't know. i don't know why everytime i tell myself, i'm not going to read x's whole nickname in msn. and then i stupidly go and read it. bring me away from all these. please? don't torture mo anymore. you're getting closer to getting your girl and i'm trying to leave you, so don't do anything to remind me of you. thank you.
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22:13
leaveheart.. 0
from the case file of enjia's lifeblardy scanner is going against me just as the blardy phone is. hurmph. i'm not bothering today! hurmph. sad. still haven't got certain recordings and japan trip is this coming wednesday!!!!! yeeps. and i haven't gone ikea yet!!!!!!
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15:20
leaveheart.. 0
25.5.05
from the case file of enjia's life not much time left on the computer, so strt t e pt. failed a math and english, so fail overall. but music and combine sc[phy and chem] quite high neh. the only Bs in the whole results. ann c and d only 2 b. sad case. mustmustmustmust work hard. MUST!
must really prepare for jap trip. yep. eyes tired liao... T.T well,s kaili's bringing fb 5&6 tmr[hopefully] Xp well hooe so. and tmr got band. so yar. really worried will screw up jap trip. well, can't be that paranoid. must work hard!
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22:52
leaveheart.. 0
22.5.05
from the case file of enjia's lifeI made a Quiz for you!
Take my Quiz! and then
Check out the Scoreboard!wahah, that was abit boliao, but take it take it!!!!! ahah. Xp
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12:21
leaveheart.. 0
21.5.05
from the case file of enjia's lifesniff- itching al over. like damn itchy larr!!!! sniff-
slept until 6 pm frm 12 am
abit overboard, but who cares?
you're giving really mixed signals. the ship is hesitating as to go away or to go nearer, for fear of the rocks.
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22:21
leaveheart.. 0
20.5.05
from the case file of enjia's lifejust back frm OBS not long ago. yea. later using the com agn. now no msn. ><..
day 1 --
went pulau ubin lar. 1st day split into watches. me in yusof. yep. did belaying, pitch basha[i didn't], and alot of stuff ouh. we had 4 meals a day in the cook house lar. heh. we lucky. are residential. yep. tired tired, still have to slp out doors. yah. instructors - uncle liew, shukor, ai chin, su xian. watch - amy, xiangmei, eileen, zesa, debbie, delia, fayanne, aiesh, yu xiang, ethel, marsha, wanting, elizabeth, christine.
day 2 --
woke up like 6.30 lidat, my whole watch clear out liao, then aft that ppl frm other watches who woke up just left lar, so only left 5 ppl to unpitch the bashas. yea. me, bertha and 3 frm kimseng[?or kim san?]. did some stuff in the morning, can't rmb. but at night, we did kayaking[in the swimming pool by shukor], abseiling[on land by su xian], first aid[by uncle liew] and rafting[by ai chin]. slept in bunk. met sam's and emily's watch. nasty cut on her ankle[get well soon].
day 3 --went rock wall climbing. cannot make it. wait ten thousand yrs before can go climb. yar. was sleeping while waiting. was doing with xiang mei, amy and gen. was very freaked out. gen was my belayer. was panicking and very scared gen accidentally let go. afternoon went to the ramp the kayak, but one of the mobile watches took the kayaks we carried out[causing us to have to carry out agn] and also took up so much time going out and kayaking away that we could not go out. but also nvm. cause the weather turned nasty then, decided not to go camp 2[we going to kayak there] since we were quite woried about the weather, tide, current etc etc. had the bashas near the flying fox[lijin's watch was there also]. ouh. we met her watch near the new learning room, then jerina alsoo. yea. cooked at the indiana beach. cannot make it. one fire take ten thousand years to start. got 3 fire. i tend one, fayanne tend one, nearly everyone else tend one. the watch was very nice lar. cause aft they started eating, me and fay were stil handling the fire etc. then the watch when they realise fay and i haven't eat, gathered some food for us lo. thanks ppl!
day 4 --woke up on hard rocks. free massage, what to do? the bashas are on the rocks. who cares? Xp ate peanut butter bread. me and ethel were putting peanut butter on the bread. put very little cause usarin's watch not enough peanut butter to go round all four loaves of bread. in the end we ended up with alot of peanut butter left. Xp aft that went to collect the basha equipment frm the flying fox place. yea. dark, but still can see. went back, packed in ponchos.went kayaking ard the whole pulau ubin. 22.5 km + all the extra distance we went side tracking. kelly was my partner. very fun though tiring and fustrating. those at the back, including us, were quite pissed with the front for not waiting for us. and having breaks that end just when we catch up with them. were very tired lo. then en and fengy's kayak was pushed towards the rocks at opne point when the eather turned nasty. then was very scared for them and we were all very worried. very scart though, to see them moving towards the rocks and not be able to do anything. stoped at a sandfly infested beach to wait for the sky to clear abit. then carried on.stopped at frog island, met lijin's watch agn. ahah. so got yuan2. ate lunch and set off to cover the rest of the distance. ot this part at the turning pt the waves very wierd and was very strong. kelly and i we paddled like nuts and got across quite quickly. but inside flood water lar[good thing at frog island got empty the earlier waters]. covered the rest of the distance. nearing the ramp we set out frm, the winds and waves were very strong, but yar. everyone was encouraging each other and i was sorta nagging at kelly to 'keep paddling' 'don't give up' 'focus' 'hurry' and alot alot of other stuff.ouh ya. was pissed at the speed boat for speeding past us alot of times and causing unnessacary waves. went back, had dinner at cook house.went for night walk. su xian and uncle liew very lihai at lying. they said 15 mins only, no solo walk in the end had solo walk. liling and i were holding hands all through the walk when we walked as a grp. cause liling was quite frightened. i sawthe branches etc as kayakers lar. went to the jetty and it was swaying and like boat lidat, like can break off lidat and sinthu was not helping at all and making it worse lar. went to bunk and plonked down and slept.
day 5 --wake up, pack abit, ate breakfast, still swaying. went clear stocks, flying fox.fun seh. go up the tower can die though. drop down very fast, and very fun. then help push ai chin to the left and to the right to collect the ppl who come down. at the last few i was helping to collect the glider and put on the floor. 1st one drop to the floor. second one. didn't drop on floor. drop on my head. 3rd opne, fine liao. ahah. very pain, but very fun. Xp then liling took over. heh. she suan me la. Xp went t change to shorts and SANDLESSSS!!! ahhh. sandles very shuang.went to the souvenier shop, bought a polo t, 2 t and 1 pin. 50 bucks la.went to eat, best meal in the whole week. think the cook happy we leaving, cook nicer one. Xp ahah. went t new learning room, hear shukor and ai chin talk alot agn.then go homeee. we were on the boat, then uncle liew, shu xian and ai chin were on the stairs la. shukor was in the boat also. then someone wanted to take a picture of the instructors on the steps and ai china was so damn lame la. i'm not surprised if she blocked the other 2 frm view. Xp
haix. now everything still swaying like on a boat lidat. shall sleep soon though. Xp otherwise cannot tahan.
why aren't you here to receive me?i forgot. you've got your one. and i'm going neutral.
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22:19
leaveheart.. 0
15.5.05
from the case file of enjia's lifehyperventilates. tmr's obs. sniff- by computer! by electronics! by anime! sniff- hi strange place. Xp
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21:41
leaveheart.. 0
from the case file of enjia's lifewells, it's sunday. tmr's monday and WE'RE GOING TO BE SHIPPED OFF TO PULAU UBIN! hurmph. OBS starts like tmr and i haven't gotten everything? wells, it's quite sian to pack last minute. Xp but what can i do?! [uhhh plenty?]heh.
i'm really trying not to think of those stuff that are really heart wrenching. well, you might thinki you know what's it, but it's actually sth else, so yar. dun bother. i'll be fine in time to come.[i don't say no time because it's not going to take so littls time to be ok] huh.this [^] is not supposed to be read, so please don't read it. if you eant to read it, well, i can't do anything. but please don't bother. thank you.
i'm really missing the time i spent with you. though it's not much, but' it's quite a load full of fond memories. fond memories that are not easy to get rid of. yes. i'm trying to get rid of those memories. and to forget about you as anything else other than what you're supposed to be. your messages are unclear, so i think it's best for me to leave. leave as in forget you as anything else other than what you are. not leave as in forever goodbye. cause if i do that, you'll know that i'm talking about you and that is one thing i cannot endur. for you to know and for it to be awkward between us. really hope to forget you as anything other than what you are and just live my life as before i met you. since i met you, i've really changed. more open, more uncold, more feelings showing. before i did, my heart was hard. i had a blank face which nobody could understand. i closed myself from the rest of the world. i never smiled. i never laughed. i never told others how i felt. or what's going on. when they asked what's wrong, i just shrug them off and walk away. i want to be the enjia i was before. i don't want to be the new enjia. i want to shrug ppl away. disassociate. not laugh. not smile. walk away from everyone. have a heart of steel. have an unphantomable face. i don't want to be who you morphed me into. i don't want to be like you. i want to forget though i miss you.
you can happily go and decipher. yarquite easy to. but still, it's an effort on my part to cover it up. so yar. don't try to decipher it.'adeus belle morena'ladedum. i don't wanna.
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16:48
leaveheart.. 0
13.5.05
from the case file of enjia's lifesometimes, it just takes some courage to speak out. if you have anything to say at all, to whoever it is at all, the best thing is just to spit it out. really. even if it's going to hurt you, or the person you're telling to, it'll always be resolved. one moment's disappointment is better compared to an eternity of wondering. it's always better to know and be upset than to not know and be upset.
well, if it applies to you, try telling it out.
infered this as i realised that alot of ppl are not really talking abt stuff that they're wondering about sorta thing. yar. it's self damaging to keep it to yourself actually. therefore, talk it out. it's always better.
well, one and 1/3 movie, class photo, see ms low, obs breifing, band. that's today's itenery.
yep.
wells, one movie. sth abt these choir boys. delinquents, but nice vocals though. think is les choiretes
movie 1/3. zai4 jian4 ying2 huo3 choong2. yep. the little sister kawaii neh. not like mine. XD
we went see ms low at ard 9.45, ended up leaving at 10.50 lidat. haha. he whole time talking about changes and stuff. yep. hur. ya. b4 ms low came, haha, we were playing 'musical[no pun intended] chairs' heh. me and priscilla sabo emily sit middle, right infront of ms low. heh.
went canteen aft that to do the room mate arrangement stuff and decide on who to help us while we're gone obs-ing.
damnit. nth.
anw, we drew up a list of 6 grps of 5/6
ahah. that's it. not. band prac then ms low told us that the muslims shift in with ms low, then can fit exactly. like -.- we were so dumb not to think of that earlier.
well, obs briefing was boring but informative.
lunch. went down with e and went canteen. then e went to find is to collect the originals and the photocopies. is went town with c. and e panicked. yes. and you freaking person can you jus return the originals [especially] right aft you're done with them? what's your problem going off to town with an original and photocopies that they needed?! e called c's phone to talk to is to ask her to bring it back. e was really trying to control herself. and she did. but i didn't. i got so pissed off i grabbed the phone frm e and started screaming at is over the phone[that's the first time i scream over the phone. at any rate, it's the 1st time i screamed in a long long time.] duno why, but just cracked up and started screaming at her and demanding her to come back. the bitch[sry. figure of speech] not only complained about having to walk to the band rm to return, she laughed summor. even aft i warned her that it was not funny, she laugh summor. some of these days, it's going to cost you. really. duno what came over me at that time, i snapped and screamd : 'freaking asshole' riht over the phone, right in the canteen, right in broad daylight, right in front of stall one. that person was happily strolling into the sch and to the foyer. really wanted to punch her face out and just yell at her at that point at the foyer. really.
band :
'sorted out the cupboard and it's really neat. yep. =) please don't mess it up, ppl! hah. the right stack is for the books and extra files and scores. yar. the middle right is for blue files and the middle left for stands and the left for cloths. front left is for oils etc and the 'repair' stuff. right front is for papers, pens, and what ever's there. don't mess it up please. thank you.
'ms low came in and talked for a half an hour on he japan trip thing.
'mrs chua came in and took us joyous spring. i figured out the rhythm on the spot right before playing and when mrs chua took, i couldn't play at all. like wtf. it's never happened before and esp not right aft i just got the rhythm. she 'shooed' us out to get our parts 'right'. went with bass clarinet. well, we plaed tgt and i sarked. really sarked. somehow i just kept playing the same wrong rhythm over and over agn. only got it right aft some time and it was simple rhythm. really feel like a failure then. really pissed off. can thikn the rhythm, cannot play. sarks. really sarks.
'couldn't play my counter melody during practise. and it's simple melody. really sarks. play like ten million billion times then got it right, only to get it wrong agn aft a while.
'went back to band rm. combine, mr chua take. cause mrs chua taking[?] janice outside. yar. went quite fast, but yar. the front rhythm can catch up liao. but come to the counter part, i really sarked. i got confused and ended up like 5 bars behind time. like what the heck is this?! 5 bars behind time and i couldn'tfigure out where the rest were or where i'm supposed to come in. just blanked out for sometime. sickening. other than the counter part, the reswt of the pc was ok, except for articulation problems[my tongue's slow. must really train up agn]. and tone problem. mjy horn does not sound like a horn. it sounds like nothing at all la. sickening.
was really frightened by how much i deproved. still am.
end of band prac, was a danger. got whacked by emily in the face. hurts. haha. must learn not to sit behind the beside her. yep.
went to stone bench to arrange new rm mate thing. yep results are out! erbx.
not. i'm not letting it out until they say we should say. haha. you won't know who the they are, so dun go pester everyone. Xp
ahah. nice neh. cracked our brains to figure where to dump the remaining few pl into the grps with less ppl cause the sec 4s insisted on having one rm. well, suit yourself. but just to let you know, we had a headache.
had a ride to bukit panjang with emily. [thanks anw!]
just talked to my sister not long ago agn aft a long long time and well, she was telling me abt her experiences in band and she went bonkers when was told i was cm. well, she practically screamed over the phone. yep. and she was imagining the whole house of 'cm's. hah. let's see.
its been a fake side of me you've all been seeing. i'm not what ou think i am and i am not as tough as you think i am. i'm not trying to contradict you, just to let you know that i am not all that tough.for freaking ppl who are in the situation i mentioned abv[with the freaking asshole thing], please take note to change your attitude. thank you.for ppl who are confused, welcome to the club. speaking is the main thing. but find one who'll listen to your problems and be emphatic. and who will understand and not contradict you like the below.and peeps of these ppl, listen is the key. don't always contradict them. it makes it difficult for them to talk to you. really difficult. i've experienced it myself. just a few hrs ago. you know who i'm talking about
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20:57
leaveheart.. 0
12.5.05
from the case file of enjia's lifewell, today had band praccccc!!!! aft one mth of missing my horn, i picked up my horn again today and my tone sarked like hell. really sarked. it didn't sound like my previous very nice tone at all. it sounded like a trumpet trombone. it sarked like hell. arhhhh!!!! very scared cannot get back my tone by japan trip!!!!!!
ouh. and japan trip, we'll be playing :
- singapore experience
- joyous spirng
- concerto d'amore
- fiefoerniek
concerto and singapore we playing as a combine band with kinki. the other two, we play as our own. and there's one horn, one sax, 7clarinets, 6 percs, 1? oboe, almost all flutes[reminding me of which : suiing's playing the piccolo! ahah. nice.] no t-bone, 3? eupho, almost all tpt and i think all tuba except lijin. yep. abit pethetic, but i believe we can do it and play our best. yep. so ppl, we must buck up and train up for the japan trip! those who are not going, you have to train up for whatever's coming up soon! =D ahah. jiayou ppl! add oil. but don't drink it. erbx.
well, thgey announced the commitee tdae, as i predicted. yep.
bm - emily
dm - priscilla
cm - enjia
qm - nicole, wani, melissa [there's one more frm clarinet]
secetary - genevieve
treasurer - [uhmmm]
librarian - sheryan
and jerina
sl
flute - karmen
oboe - natasha
clarinet - sarina and ashikin
sax - yifang
lww - emily
tpt - wani
fhorn - melissa
tbone - liyanna [asl : hanis]
eupho - cindy
tuba - lijin
perc - priscilla [asl : xiangying?]
wahah. sry those whom i forgotttt!!!! plss tell meeeee!!!
ahah. jiayou everybody! and well, work hard!!! =))
bring back the nice nice tone!
and don't slack.
and bring back your tone and intonation!
ahah.
by the time yunheng and layteng finish screaming, i'd be deaf already.
anw, tmr got band for the japan trip go-ers.
ahah.
i miss my horn!
shoud i bring it home on friday though...
hmmm...
i don't know how it's and what's going on on your side of things, but i know that i'm feeling a kinda sth i've stopped feeling the day i hardened my heart to you. this is so as to tell you : i don't need you. positive. it's not a statement to console myself whatsoever. it's a true statement.
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19:59
leaveheart.. 0
11.5.05
from the case file of enjia's life
ladedum. changed the blog's bg color. and then the blog's bg numbers. okae. abit crappish, but yar. it's clearer at least.
brain cells decrease by more than half le. trying to crack codes. ehh. how you come up with these wierd wierd codes one?!
nvm. still thinking.
crap. tdae...... was the last paper and after that, we disappear frm sch!!!!. Xp rubbish.
a math. left more than half the questions undone/imcomplete. don't blame me. blame the paper.
rubbish
[brain cells decrease by half of more than half.soon, i'll be watching anime with a blank mind.ahah.]
ytd hist. did all questions except the last and it was 13 marks!!!!!! okae. my 1a i wrote 1 1/2 pgs then b,c,d wrote one pg. 4a wrote one 1.2 pgs, 4b wrote 1/4 pg. pathetic right? and that was a 13 mark quesiton and i din know what it was talking abt. it was saying sth abt 'police state' for heavens sake! it's not like ow ever said anything about police state before!
nvm. it's overrrrrr!!!
ahah. went sheryan house just now, help geko take photo. take ard 40 shots then take ok. take one erase one. ahah. what's your problem geko??? lidat take my wrist will weak and it'll shake and it's going to take twice as long to take. ahah. yar. took ard 1/2 hr to take? haha. sheryan was ebing smart : 'don't tell her when you're going to take' haha. the problem is she moves too much and it ends up blurred. haha. i was being mean and was going : 'sincereeeeee!!!!' ahah. say until geko very fan2 right? haha. sorryyyyy. Xp
then went ps eat. pastamania. agn. ahah. was quite sian. went orchard. yep. went ard hunting for geko's shirt and ended up in hereen. she found a shirt she wanted, but it was 69.90. like what the heck? haha. then sheryan and lijin both found a pair of earrings they wanted. and it costs 65 bucks. exxxx esp for 1 pair only! ahah. i was more practical, but yar. still too ex. ahah. I WANT A DREAMCATCHERRRR!!!!! ahah. but it's 20 bucks and abv. cause it's handmadeeeee. -sniff- exxx lehhh. -sniff- sad case.
ahah. i was telling geko : 'i don't think clarice will be in town. at least not in sch u. the day she comes town in sch u is the day i died.' ahah. sry clarice. ahah. saw her at hereen 4th level. then was giving that O.O face. haha. so far, everyone in our section was in town. except[maybe] shuangying, melissa, anikah and cheeshan. ahah. but maybe they were in town. ahah. sad case.
I STILL WANT A DREAMCATCHERRR!!!
ahah. sheryan and lijin very nth to do, whisperwhisperwhisper. whisper what? : geko and me look like couple. like what the heck? they two more like couple lei. hah. i'm not crooked leh. geko's not crooked also leh. whatever. hahx.
twinkle twinkle little STARRRRRRR. crap. haha
I WANT A DREAMCATCHER!
sianx. brain cells gone liao.
cannot think liao. and geko? you still seem despo.
ladedum. blocking you out of my mind. i don't hear you, i don't see you, you don't exist. ladedumdedum
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20:39
leaveheart.. 0
9.5.05
from the case file of enjia's life
muahaha. happy trying to read. and anyway, the tag board's under #4[under 3]
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18:17
leaveheart.. 0
from the files of enjia
wahaha. it's a lyric at the bottom. the grey area near the bottom. haha. really like. it. you can slowly go and guess who wrote it. -grins-you'll never believe it. Xp aha. that's lame. but agn, t's really meaningful.
-wails- why isn't it thursday yet????!!!!!
2 more days till exams end. hurm. Xp bio paper today. 2 hrs. i finished in 45 mins and slept the 1 and a 1/2 hr away. Xb hehh.
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17:17
leaveheart.. 0
from the files of enjia
wells, the other one was hit by sth which wiped out my template[as usual] and did not allow me to republish[shockingly]. so here this is's the same template though. exam time, not going to do much except copy and paste template. supposed to be doing math now. waiting for geko to get online and explain history to me. wad time is it now? she's supposed to by here at 3?
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04:23
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