3.4.07
from the case file of enjia's lifeworry not,for i am here to worry for you.so take heed and worry not.sleep well and rest plentifully.
audition results tomorrow may not be what you expect or not desirable to you,but please take it in your stride and do not keep staying in the disappointed mood.we'll work for the concert if we don't get in syf,right?we'll work so hard that we'll improve so much that we'll impress the rest and put the audience in awe.
go ACSian band people!
Labels: band, syf auditions
;
22:10
leaveheart.. 0
2.4.07
from the case file of enjia's lifeMuse 07 flew past really quickly like yingda said it would.now we can only look back and find places to improve upon.
tosca was good.the J2s did a really good job on the tosca opening. (go J2s!) tosca was really beautiful.really really beautiful.
i think festive was more or less there,except for some dynamic chages not displayed well enough..i was quite worried that when we came in aft the tpts,we'd screw up,like not come in correct note,not come in tgt... but it wasn;t that bad.
colonial songs beginning was not very tgt,but at least when they came in,it was not that obvious to people who don't listen out for these kinda details..and congratulations to evelyn and gladys on your successful tuning for that miserable 5 notes! it was really in tune from where i was sitting!i think the last stopped note was not bad.the two of us holding the note was relatively in tune and seemed in tune with the 1sts,but some people say we weren't in tune with them.oh well.
march didn't sound that bad either.the 1st stopped note of the horns was more or less in tune.at least sean and i were.i finally managed to reach the high Bflat that i never could.i think we more or less followed dr lee for this piece.the horns solo was quite flowy and i don't think there was random stoppig and entering for the solos.
aft intermission was tosca and as usual,P was not acccurate but it sounded alright.puay bing was sweating like nuts and can totally see that she's very tired.and again,the opening was really good,all thnks to the J2s.the resonance at the end was super loud....very tired aft that.actually already very tired after the 1st half.
feste romane.i was really scared.really really scared.for the firt time in my whole band career i was so super super scared.so scared i nearly cried.i don't know if it's we came in early or late,played too fast or too slow,but we were all lost.or at least it felt like that.i myself felt as if i really got lost and until dominic and jefri came in before the stopped horns,i felt like i was just nowhere.thank goodness for the two of them or the band is so screwed.thanks to them,the horns managed to come in,the tpts managed to come in,and we managed to try to pick ourselves up.from then on i was so scared tt i didn't dare look away from dr lee at all,it felt as if i would lose my way if i didn't follow him.
i think my fear's dragging on.when we went back on the bus gladys thought i was mad at her(for i duno what reason) when i was just sitting there.and i couldn't sleep until 1.30 this morning.
ytd when i went to sleep,i told myself:"check if the mthpc's in my bag later whe i wake up.tomorrow morning must practice."i woke up and it wasn't in my bag nor in my blazer pocker.so i calmed myself down and thought."it may be in the case."i couldn't find it in my case,then puaybing told my to check if it's with the rest,so i searched to cases and i couldnt find it.i was super scared already(a drag on from roman fest),so i just broke down and started tearing.then sean insisted i seach my bag and thank goodness he did cos it was in this obselute corner of my bag.i was so relieved that i was crying and crying and gerdine was trying to stop me from crying. >.< thanks gerdine!thanks sean!
i really really miss band practice.i really do.
i need to audition.let's pray that the roman fear will not drag on till audition.really hope so.
HUILIN!!!!! i miss you alot.please don't cry.please please don't cry.you've also made a really huge impact on me as we have on you,really really love you and please take really good care.advertise pj concert to me and i'll try my very best to make it!really please stay in touch even though we're not gonna see each other much anymore.i miss you already.
fear is a permanent thing.it's just how well you suppress it.so when you're really frightened,it will all gush out at one go.
i really wanna cry now,but i don't know for what.for why.for whom.for when.for how.an internal unvoluntary urge to cry.an unconcious thought that caused that feeling.
Labels: band, concert, muse, syf auditions
;
18:36
leaveheart.. 0
24.3.07
from the case file of enjia's lifesyf auditions on the 13th April.will i make it? tosca shepherd's call is not well played all except one of all times,feste romane horn's melody lines am not able to play well,i can't play all the really important parts well.
my stamina is so low,so much so that i cannot sustain through the pieces,through tosca,is already dead and out of breath,through march is already trying to survive,through pantom after that is dead already by the end.
my tuning is inconsistent,always nearly there,but slightly sharp or slightly flat fluctuatingly,rarely do i manage to hold a constant note.
this morning i went t school 1hr early to go to the rooftop garden to practice so that i may develope my volume better in an open space.however,when i asked sean,jefri,huiling they all if they heard a horn while they walking into school,all didnt.was also practicing with a mute yesterday,from aft e mbti thingy to ard 6 plus,trying to play forte through for roman feste and all parts w loud parts.and the result?still a sucky soft and thin tone.
sitting on the right of sean during march is depressing.i can hear that he's loud and his tone is not that thin,so much so that when he stops playing in the middle of a horn part,you can so obviously hear that someone has stopped even if you're not looking.he's so loud that i can't even hear myself.and when he stops,the thin sound will emerge from my horn.
tosca G# B-B is also very thin,the low b's tone just does not match up to the G# and high B's tone.how can i improve?in what way can i improve.
i've been trying really hard to use my diaphragm and use loads and loads of air,so much that i become breathless really fast,but my tone's still thin and rubbishy.
been playing to much highnotes that i cannot reach well and sitting much too straight while doing so.dont know if it's true,but my back hurts when i'm trying to play march's FA CFA CFA the high range,and plus i've been practicing that the whole week,without much progress,plau yesterday's sleeping in the wrong position in the qm room,plus today's practice,it really hurts..
very hard to fall asleep too.when i'm trying to fall asleep,when it's very quiet,the music of band will just play in my head and the fingerings play in my head,my fingers unawaringly will finger it out.if it's noisy ad i listen to the music from my phone,then same things occur...i guess that it's good since it's never happened to me before previously..
colonial,horn's nicest part,from beat 4 bar 36 to bar 42 beat 2 is super nice,but once again,i'm not able to play it well.high high Bb...stopped notes originally play one semitone down,but unfortuntely we're all super sharp on the stopped notes,so we cn play a tone down and sound correct. >.<
march is tiring! ...
tosca...J's syncopated rhythm we're trying our best to play out,p's agitato's _23_23_23_23 we're also working on it,trying very very hard not to play __31_31_31_31_31_31_31 like the tuba.even if we wanna start corrct,but being influenced by others who ma or may not be aware of themselves playing the wrong rhythm,we'll still be unable to play the correct rhythm.though we feel that we're correct,but we're definitely wrong,as can be seen by the linking to the 123123 rhythm in 273.i'm worried bout I's horn and piccolo solo too.it's thin and and just not there.i dont know what the problem is,but it's just not there.the notes are there,rhythms are there,but something is missing.so missing that it feels really empty.
i was talking to hope on friday and we were both mooning about missing practices(she's choir) and there being really bored without practices ad thing is i've jut had practice the day before and she had 2 days before.i think band's so large part of my life that without band for a day,i feell really uneasy.without band for a week,i feel really out of time,dont know when is when,lost and dont know what to do.though band is hectic and most people who hear about my schedule say : "siao arh?!", it's really something i cannot do without.the last year of sec sch,i was banned from band by my parents,i felt really restless and un-me.
i really have to thank ms sng and dr lee for taking me in from my appeal in to acjc.i've been aiming to go to acjc and join the band since quite some years ago,but some how half way through,in sec 4,i lost sight of this aim and didn't have a goal to work towards.or rather i lost it though it was there.the drift away from band made me lose sight of it,resulting in poor results that did not allow me to go acjc.not that it was totally the drift away from band that caused it totally.most was my own fault for not being clear about wht i want,for not working,for not being firm in my resolutions.thank you alot to ms sng and dr lee for taking me in.thankyou ms sng for taking me in though i told you that it was because i did not study that i got such ridiculous results,thank you dr lee for taking me in though i was not up to the prefered standard,still trying to retrieve what i lost from a year's lack of practice..really thank you alot.
thank you also to my ac band mates,j1s or j2s,thank you for helping me adjust into my new class.though you may not be aware of it,but ya,you all did help.i don't really know anyone in the new class,there's three other band ppl(liling,hanliang,zhanwei) who i know and there's carol. >.< however,in a class of 23 now 26 where seemingly everyone knows everyone and i know little,it's really hard to not to blend into the background nd stay there.hanging around with the band people during breaks for the past week has made me realised that i've not been trying to blend in to the class instead of the background,made me have the courage to go and blend out of the background.
i've been blending into the background so much in my whole life from themoment i associate wit people,een with my relatives, that now i'm trying to blend out of it,it's difficult.among al my cousins,sisters and i,the relatives always prefer to talk to and associate with the rest.i've been told by some junoirs that i look scary(why arh?),maybe that's why,but maybe it's just myself telling myself that i don't want to blend out,don't want to talk to others,don't want to associate with others.till now,i'm still thinking this subconciously alot of the times.but i want to blend out.i really want to.but it's difficult.i shall still try to blend out.why can i blend into the background so well,so much that i don't feel for much,but not blend so well into the band,which i really feel so much,so much for?
sleep is not able to refresh me at all anymore except once or twice in the a week.appetite's been shrinking.hope i'm not getting sick soon.if i should get sick,let it be after auditions and let me recover fast.i'm not looking forward to faling sick anymore.maybe i will be aft experencing pe again.... let not me fall sick at this important point of time,at any important point of life.at any moment i really want to appreciate,to experience,to feel.
i'm tired.real tired.
i'm an ISFP by the way.the only ISFP in 1st intake arts ppl. =.= anyone else's an ISFP?
Labels: band, ISFP, music, syf auditions
;
23:18
leaveheart.. 0
