24.3.07
from the case file of enjia's lifesyf auditions on the 13th April.will i make it? tosca shepherd's call is not well played all except one of all times,feste romane horn's melody lines am not able to play well,i can't play all the really important parts well.
my stamina is so low,so much so that i cannot sustain through the pieces,through tosca,is already dead and out of breath,through march is already trying to survive,through pantom after that is dead already by the end.
my tuning is inconsistent,always nearly there,but slightly sharp or slightly flat fluctuatingly,rarely do i manage to hold a constant note.
this morning i went t school 1hr early to go to the rooftop garden to practice so that i may develope my volume better in an open space.however,when i asked sean,jefri,huiling they all if they heard a horn while they walking into school,all didnt.was also practicing with a mute yesterday,from aft e mbti thingy to ard 6 plus,trying to play forte through for roman feste and all parts w loud parts.and the result?still a sucky soft and thin tone.
sitting on the right of sean during march is depressing.i can hear that he's loud and his tone is not that thin,so much so that when he stops playing in the middle of a horn part,you can so obviously hear that someone has stopped even if you're not looking.he's so loud that i can't even hear myself.and when he stops,the thin sound will emerge from my horn.
tosca G# B-B is also very thin,the low b's tone just does not match up to the G# and high B's tone.how can i improve?in what way can i improve.
i've been trying really hard to use my diaphragm and use loads and loads of air,so much that i become breathless really fast,but my tone's still thin and rubbishy.
been playing to much highnotes that i cannot reach well and sitting much too straight while doing so.dont know if it's true,but my back hurts when i'm trying to play march's FA CFA CFA the high range,and plus i've been practicing that the whole week,without much progress,plau yesterday's sleeping in the wrong position in the qm room,plus today's practice,it really hurts..
very hard to fall asleep too.when i'm trying to fall asleep,when it's very quiet,the music of band will just play in my head and the fingerings play in my head,my fingers unawaringly will finger it out.if it's noisy ad i listen to the music from my phone,then same things occur...i guess that it's good since it's never happened to me before previously..
colonial,horn's nicest part,from beat 4 bar 36 to bar 42 beat 2 is super nice,but once again,i'm not able to play it well.high high Bb...stopped notes originally play one semitone down,but unfortuntely we're all super sharp on the stopped notes,so we cn play a tone down and sound correct. >.<
march is tiring! ...
tosca...J's syncopated rhythm we're trying our best to play out,p's agitato's _23_23_23_23 we're also working on it,trying very very hard not to play __31_31_31_31_31_31_31 like the tuba.even if we wanna start corrct,but being influenced by others who ma or may not be aware of themselves playing the wrong rhythm,we'll still be unable to play the correct rhythm.though we feel that we're correct,but we're definitely wrong,as can be seen by the linking to the 123123 rhythm in 273.i'm worried bout I's horn and piccolo solo too.it's thin and and just not there.i dont know what the problem is,but it's just not there.the notes are there,rhythms are there,but something is missing.so missing that it feels really empty.
i was talking to hope on friday and we were both mooning about missing practices(she's choir) and there being really bored without practices ad thing is i've jut had practice the day before and she had 2 days before.i think band's so large part of my life that without band for a day,i feell really uneasy.without band for a week,i feel really out of time,dont know when is when,lost and dont know what to do.though band is hectic and most people who hear about my schedule say : "siao arh?!", it's really something i cannot do without.the last year of sec sch,i was banned from band by my parents,i felt really restless and un-me.
i really have to thank ms sng and dr lee for taking me in from my appeal in to acjc.i've been aiming to go to acjc and join the band since quite some years ago,but some how half way through,in sec 4,i lost sight of this aim and didn't have a goal to work towards.or rather i lost it though it was there.the drift away from band made me lose sight of it,resulting in poor results that did not allow me to go acjc.not that it was totally the drift away from band that caused it totally.most was my own fault for not being clear about wht i want,for not working,for not being firm in my resolutions.thank you alot to ms sng and dr lee for taking me in.thankyou ms sng for taking me in though i told you that it was because i did not study that i got such ridiculous results,thank you dr lee for taking me in though i was not up to the prefered standard,still trying to retrieve what i lost from a year's lack of practice..really thank you alot.
thank you also to my ac band mates,j1s or j2s,thank you for helping me adjust into my new class.though you may not be aware of it,but ya,you all did help.i don't really know anyone in the new class,there's three other band ppl(liling,hanliang,zhanwei) who i know and there's carol. >.< however,in a class of 23 now 26 where seemingly everyone knows everyone and i know little,it's really hard to not to blend into the background nd stay there.hanging around with the band people during breaks for the past week has made me realised that i've not been trying to blend in to the class instead of the background,made me have the courage to go and blend out of the background.
i've been blending into the background so much in my whole life from themoment i associate wit people,een with my relatives, that now i'm trying to blend out of it,it's difficult.among al my cousins,sisters and i,the relatives always prefer to talk to and associate with the rest.i've been told by some junoirs that i look scary(why arh?),maybe that's why,but maybe it's just myself telling myself that i don't want to blend out,don't want to talk to others,don't want to associate with others.till now,i'm still thinking this subconciously alot of the times.but i want to blend out.i really want to.but it's difficult.i shall still try to blend out.why can i blend into the background so well,so much that i don't feel for much,but not blend so well into the band,which i really feel so much,so much for?
sleep is not able to refresh me at all anymore except once or twice in the a week.appetite's been shrinking.hope i'm not getting sick soon.if i should get sick,let it be after auditions and let me recover fast.i'm not looking forward to faling sick anymore.maybe i will be aft experencing pe again.... let not me fall sick at this important point of time,at any important point of life.at any moment i really want to appreciate,to experience,to feel.
i'm tired.real tired.
i'm an ISFP by the way.the only ISFP in 1st intake arts ppl. =.= anyone else's an ISFP?
Labels: band, ISFP, music, syf auditions
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23:18
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